I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
