Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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