We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It's shark week go big or go home
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
