a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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