I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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