Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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