what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
