I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Randomize
