I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
