Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize