highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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