I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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