I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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