My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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