oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
