I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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