I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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