I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
