Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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