How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
