Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
