Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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