i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize