What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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