Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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