I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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