Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
did i just pee glitter
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
