omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
