I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
