escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
