Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
