porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Randomize
