I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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