I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
