god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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