Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize