I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
