First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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