I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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