New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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