I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I think people are normalizing furries
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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