I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
