It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
sarcasm needs its own font
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
