no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
