his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
