I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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