hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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