He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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