My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
