My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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