I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
