just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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