I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
