sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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