i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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