my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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