Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
