the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
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