Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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