I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize