i already hear my dad disowning me
Only a mothe r could love this liver
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
