He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
