this boner is exhausting
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
