I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
