I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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