You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
