Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
