I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
