I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
how does that bad decision feel?
PANTIES FOUND
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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