I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
